19 Days: One Man's Journey Through Grief
Excerpts from the book
Friends don't burden others.
Time does not heal all wounds.
Addressing the elephant.
There are people that are hesitant to speak about the situation you are in. As if mentioning it will bring up sad feelings, or that you might break down and cry, or whatever other goofy thought is in their head. That's ok and there is nothing wrong with keeping these people active in your life. ... If something reminds me of Ruth, or reminds me of a story involving her, I tell it. If someone talks about a trip they had taken or are planning to take and Ruth and I had been there, I talk about what we liked or didn’t like, in the same way as if she was sitting next to me still. There is nothing wrong with that. I talk about things that bugged her or was a pet peeve of hers if I see it in front of me. It helps ease the tension and I would encourage you to do that. Death is an uncomfortable topic. It always will be because it is an unknown. Becoming familiar with it and being able to discuss it is helpful to you as well as to others. ... Ruth was part of my entire life. Her memory and events will always be present with me. You cannot avoid that.
Stay connected - not just digitally.
You will hit these struggle points. It could be an event, a song, a show, who knows, but it will hit you like a ton of bricks. In a matter of an hour I went from being sad to being mad and back again. I was frustrated and trying to figure out why the hell I was sitting in a hotel room in Dubuque all by myself. I went down the road of “what did I do to deserve this” as well. This was not in a self-pity way, but the frustration side of things. You lead what you think is a good life, you are nice to people, you had a good career, great kids, and then boom! The rug gets jerked out from under you. There is no logic, no reasons and the fact that you don’t see it coming makes it that much worse. Frustrating. Maddening. This and all other emotions you want to throw in there. In a word, this sucks.
It could be an event, a song, a show, who knows, but it will hit you like a ton of bricks.